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Into to Putting on Pants

Last night my husband and I were scrolling through old photos, I was in search of this one that's my absolute favorite of my 2 middle/older boys from the fair a few years ago (remember the fair...)

and I came across this photo of my husband and I on the same day.

Man did I look different. Like, not even like myself anymore kind of different. Babies.

Coming off of my 5th baby has been a bit different for my body then coming off my 2nd and 3rd. I lost all of my pregnancy weight quickly with those guys. Probably because I stayed pretty active during the pregnancies themselves, probably because I was younger, probably because I was much less busy and exhausted and had more time for frivolous things like exercise.

Probably because of a million different things. All of them excuses. All of them 100% viable excuses. But all of them solvable excuses. (Except for age. Alas I cannot get any younger...)

I think one of the things you hear the most after you bear a child is how much you need to love your body for what it did, and not what it looks like. I do! I LOVE my body for all of the healthy and strong things it's done for me. Past and present. Me and my body have no qualms. *Pats self on the belly... good work jiggly belly!* It has in fact created 5 wonderful boys who I absolutely adore 80% of the time! There's a lot of value in that.

We should never shame women for the way their body looks after pregnancies. It's a cruel trick to require them to gain weight to be healthy, and then to lose it right back... to be healthy.

However, we should also never shame them for wanting different (better!) for themselves and their bodies. If a mama isn't happy with how she feels when she looks in the mirror, we should be doing everything we can to help and support her in figuring out how to be happy. A change in perspective and priorities is a great start, but so is a change in your diet, exercise, habits and even (for me) your haircut! (Shout out to Katie at Bennie's Salon)

I remember late night insta-ing and stumbled upon this girl that had the most beautiful body image self-acceptance yoga page. She strutted her stuff and spoke as if she truly loved every inch of herself, and made me feel so confident in my own self for where I'm currently at. *Pats belly again*

But realistically, while happy and confident in where my body has come this far, when you type in my height to weight proportions into the BMI chart, I'm considered OBESE. I'm at least 40 lbs away from that photo up there, and 50 lbs from before I had 4 babies in 7 years. (Love those little body wreckers) And there's a lot that comes with that. Health problems, heart problems, bone problems. Not to mention self confidence problems. And I don't want to battle those tags as I get older. I've got plans, baby. And none of them involve being put out.

I'm ready to move forward. (AH! I'm scared already!)

I looked at that photo of myself with my husband on that beautiful day, and I miss deeply who I was inside. I miss feeling strong, I miss feeling healthy, and I miss having freedom in the way that I dressed. My relationship with my clothing has seriously deteriorated as I've gained weight, and it's been a while since I've found value in putting on pants in the morning...

I'm ready to put on my pants.

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